Last week we said a tearful goodbye to one of our longest serving and most beloved members of staff and there is one cunt who is solely to blame, David fucking Cameron.

Thanks to a xenephobic immigration policy that amounts to nothing more than the sort of bile you find in the comments section of the Mail Online, the Tories are desperate to get everyone any anyone out of ‘our country’ in the vain hope of bringing net immigration down after they completely failed to control the number within their own terms in the last parliament. Still, the “country is full” narrative and popular idiom that immigrants come here to live a life of poverty, destitution and misery on what’s left of the ‘benefits system’, FKA the welfare state, persist.

That means your days are numbered if you weren’t born here or born with a silver spoon rammed so far up your arse it means you can actually afford a house in London. If you make the slightest of infractions upon your visa or work permit you’ll get booted out faster than ever before. In this instance THE MACHINE as we will remember Tariq, did nothing but move to a better university to finish his degree, which he was paying for by being the hardest working son of a bitch the Lexington will probably ever see.

Nice one Cameron you ham-faced fucktard. The Machine paid his taxes, never took a penny out of the system, in five years he didn’t miss a shift, worked 45 hours a week to pay his own way through university, he paid every tax you asked of him and he never got ill so he wasn’t a burden on the NHS. In return he was unceremoniously removed from this country, his friends and a life he had spent five years working towards. All of this suffering inflicted by a government that has systematically show itself to lack any form of empathy, instead reducing human life to a number on a balance sheet or worse, a pawn in its xenophobic (and perhaps racist) ideology.

Tariq, The Machine, you are truly irreplaceable and surely the Lexington will fall to ruin without you. Though, for what it’s worth, it was a privilege to have known you.